What am I doing??

Okay, so there are days when I really believe that the alternative school is my niche. Then there are other days when I wonder what I'm doing there. The kids say I don't know them, yet I'm doing everything I know of to get to know them. There are quite a few there that I really feel I've connected with. There are also some that are making it very difficult to get to know. I just don't know what direction God is pulling me in. There are good benefits to the alternative school, but there are things that drive me crazy, mostly the attitude of some of those kids. How do I see past that? Is this really the right place for me.? I love the high school. I fit right in, do my own thing, run my own groups.....but it's comfortable. The alternative school is way out of my comfort zone. It's hard to run any type of group because the kids need to be in class...the attitudes are tough to deal with....I don't know where I fit in at times. Is that good? I don't know. I just know I will keep on keeping on and pray that God shows me the right direction. Maybe I'm having these doubts because I only have one more semester left and I'm thinking about my future job and where I'll be and where I want to be. Much to think about!!!

One semester down.....

Wow. I can hardly believe it. As I'm busy doing end of semester things, it is finally hitting me that I only have one more semester to go. Could it be that all my hard work over the past three years is FINALLY coming to an end?? I won't hardly know what to do with myself!! On one hand, it's gone so slow, yet on the other, it's flown by. All I know is that I've had an amazing experience through it all. I've learned a lot about myself as a person and as a counselor. Now I just need to make sure I get a job and put all my skills and knowledge to work. SO, be praying for me that God will open the right doors so that I can get a job. My prayer is to stay at the alternative high school. There will more than likely be an opening and I'm praying that it will go in my favor. SO....with all that said....When May 4th comes...I'm going to throw a big party and celebrate!! Thanks to my husband, kids and close friends who have helped me through this whole process. I love you very much.

Finally on our way

Well, with a bit of frustration and bad attitude because of waiting...we finally got our collaborative project approved. We had originally planned on being able to start our group the 1st of September, but due to some...pickiness...on the behalf of the Research Committee, our hopes were squelched until this week. That's okay, because the Lord has it all in control. I will conduct my first group today and I have six girls who are wanting to participate. We won't have all our data and final results before the Idaho Counseling Association Conference in January (where we are to disseminate our project), but at least we will get in a good chunk of work done before that time. Yehaw!!!

God know what we need

You know, it's funny how sometimes we forget about time and how it's flown. It's hard to believe that on the 21st it will be 5 years since my mom went home to Jesus. In some ways it seems as though she's been gone a life time, especially when my heart aches to talk to her. Other times it seems like it can't be that long that she's been gone. The funny thing is...God likes to send me reminders of her. On my computer I have a file that has pictures that I scanned of my mom when she was young all the way up through my childhood and beyond. It is not in my screensaver file. It is a completely separate file...yet.....yesterday....the pictures in that file started appearing on my screen saver. I'd be in the room and look over and there was a picture of my mom and I on the screen saver. What a warm and wonderful feeling that brought to me. A reminder....of my mom and the relationship we shared...of the relationship I miss so at times. And then I'm reminded that I have the opportunity to have that relationship with my daughter...to cherish the times we have together for we don't know what tomorrow brings. I say all this to remind you that God sends us what we need when we need it. I needed a reminder of my mom and the good side of our relationship..especially as the 5 year anniversary approaches. The Lord is good!!!!

No understanding

As a counselor, I wonder how best to get people through grief. Lately, I've wondered about getting through mine. This time of year is usually a bit rough..especially with five year anniversary of my mom's Homecoming coming up on the 21st...but it's more so this year due to the fact that many people around me have died due to cancer. I'm having such a time trying to wrap my brain around the "why" of it all. I'm sure that clients have the same question. I'm just not sure how to answer it. I can't even answer it for myself. I guess I say all this because I don't understand why so many people I know and care about have died from cancer. I know it's a sickness in our world that is unpredicatable and is here because of the fall of man, but it's still so hard sometimes to say "that's life". This is just the continuing struggle I go through as a counselor in training. How do I counsel those in grief? How do I help them find the answers they are searching for when I can't see to find them myself at times. I know God is is control and my fleshly body and brain cannot comprehend the bigger plan. But praise God that He does and that someday the answers will make sense. I'm just fortunate to know that I have a Savior who loves me and died for me and that when my time comes, and my work here is done, I will be going HOME and standing in the presence of a Mighty God who understands my fleshly struggles.

Busy, busy, busy bee

Boy, life seems to not stop even for the weary. We had a lot going on these last few weeks. I had an MRI (which turned out to the normal), an extended family member passed away from cancer, and then trying to help everyone out so things could get down. Needless to say, I was spent and wasn't able to give anymore to anyone...not even my family. I could feel myself starting to get depressed, which bothered me. I'm a counselor...I shouldn't be getting depressed, or have a hard time dealing with issues in my life. If I felt that way, then what good was I as a counselor?? Well, fortunately my best friend reminded me that it's okay to feel that way and that I could ask for help. So.......I had a big cry fest and puking session with my husband. I got everything out about how I was feeling depressed (due to being in pain all the time), felt like a failure as a mom and wife and so on....That night I slept the best that I have slept in weeks. I feel a bit renewed and able to handle what comes my way. I also realize that even though I am a counselor, I am human and experience human emotions. I have trauma in my life just like everyone else. It's okay to break down and cry and ask for help...even as a counselor. That's what makes me a healthier counselor and a better guide to those who seek my help. SO thank you JAM and SB for all you've helped me with. I love you.

What a week!!

Oh what a week. Between helping with graduate admissions, anger management group (for the students, not me), interning and soccer games, I am exhausted. I don't know how you do it full-time, but this is enough for me at this moment in my life. I love the flexibility of coming and going as I please. Interning is much better than practicum because I don't have someone looking over my shoulder. Anyway, I digress....I'm tired...on a really good pain reliever...and ready for the weekend. Have a great one!