What am I doing??

Okay, so there are days when I really believe that the alternative school is my niche. Then there are other days when I wonder what I'm doing there. The kids say I don't know them, yet I'm doing everything I know of to get to know them. There are quite a few there that I really feel I've connected with. There are also some that are making it very difficult to get to know. I just don't know what direction God is pulling me in. There are good benefits to the alternative school, but there are things that drive me crazy, mostly the attitude of some of those kids. How do I see past that? Is this really the right place for me.? I love the high school. I fit right in, do my own thing, run my own groups.....but it's comfortable. The alternative school is way out of my comfort zone. It's hard to run any type of group because the kids need to be in class...the attitudes are tough to deal with....I don't know where I fit in at times. Is that good? I don't know. I just know I will keep on keeping on and pray that God shows me the right direction. Maybe I'm having these doubts because I only have one more semester left and I'm thinking about my future job and where I'll be and where I want to be. Much to think about!!!

One semester down.....

Wow. I can hardly believe it. As I'm busy doing end of semester things, it is finally hitting me that I only have one more semester to go. Could it be that all my hard work over the past three years is FINALLY coming to an end?? I won't hardly know what to do with myself!! On one hand, it's gone so slow, yet on the other, it's flown by. All I know is that I've had an amazing experience through it all. I've learned a lot about myself as a person and as a counselor. Now I just need to make sure I get a job and put all my skills and knowledge to work. SO, be praying for me that God will open the right doors so that I can get a job. My prayer is to stay at the alternative high school. There will more than likely be an opening and I'm praying that it will go in my favor. SO....with all that said....When May 4th comes...I'm going to throw a big party and celebrate!! Thanks to my husband, kids and close friends who have helped me through this whole process. I love you very much.

Finally on our way

Well, with a bit of frustration and bad attitude because of waiting...we finally got our collaborative project approved. We had originally planned on being able to start our group the 1st of September, but due to some...pickiness...on the behalf of the Research Committee, our hopes were squelched until this week. That's okay, because the Lord has it all in control. I will conduct my first group today and I have six girls who are wanting to participate. We won't have all our data and final results before the Idaho Counseling Association Conference in January (where we are to disseminate our project), but at least we will get in a good chunk of work done before that time. Yehaw!!!

God know what we need

You know, it's funny how sometimes we forget about time and how it's flown. It's hard to believe that on the 21st it will be 5 years since my mom went home to Jesus. In some ways it seems as though she's been gone a life time, especially when my heart aches to talk to her. Other times it seems like it can't be that long that she's been gone. The funny thing is...God likes to send me reminders of her. On my computer I have a file that has pictures that I scanned of my mom when she was young all the way up through my childhood and beyond. It is not in my screensaver file. It is a completely separate file...yet.....yesterday....the pictures in that file started appearing on my screen saver. I'd be in the room and look over and there was a picture of my mom and I on the screen saver. What a warm and wonderful feeling that brought to me. A reminder....of my mom and the relationship we shared...of the relationship I miss so at times. And then I'm reminded that I have the opportunity to have that relationship with my daughter...to cherish the times we have together for we don't know what tomorrow brings. I say all this to remind you that God sends us what we need when we need it. I needed a reminder of my mom and the good side of our relationship..especially as the 5 year anniversary approaches. The Lord is good!!!!

No understanding

As a counselor, I wonder how best to get people through grief. Lately, I've wondered about getting through mine. This time of year is usually a bit rough..especially with five year anniversary of my mom's Homecoming coming up on the 21st...but it's more so this year due to the fact that many people around me have died due to cancer. I'm having such a time trying to wrap my brain around the "why" of it all. I'm sure that clients have the same question. I'm just not sure how to answer it. I can't even answer it for myself. I guess I say all this because I don't understand why so many people I know and care about have died from cancer. I know it's a sickness in our world that is unpredicatable and is here because of the fall of man, but it's still so hard sometimes to say "that's life". This is just the continuing struggle I go through as a counselor in training. How do I counsel those in grief? How do I help them find the answers they are searching for when I can't see to find them myself at times. I know God is is control and my fleshly body and brain cannot comprehend the bigger plan. But praise God that He does and that someday the answers will make sense. I'm just fortunate to know that I have a Savior who loves me and died for me and that when my time comes, and my work here is done, I will be going HOME and standing in the presence of a Mighty God who understands my fleshly struggles.

Busy, busy, busy bee

Boy, life seems to not stop even for the weary. We had a lot going on these last few weeks. I had an MRI (which turned out to the normal), an extended family member passed away from cancer, and then trying to help everyone out so things could get down. Needless to say, I was spent and wasn't able to give anymore to anyone...not even my family. I could feel myself starting to get depressed, which bothered me. I'm a counselor...I shouldn't be getting depressed, or have a hard time dealing with issues in my life. If I felt that way, then what good was I as a counselor?? Well, fortunately my best friend reminded me that it's okay to feel that way and that I could ask for help. So.......I had a big cry fest and puking session with my husband. I got everything out about how I was feeling depressed (due to being in pain all the time), felt like a failure as a mom and wife and so on....That night I slept the best that I have slept in weeks. I feel a bit renewed and able to handle what comes my way. I also realize that even though I am a counselor, I am human and experience human emotions. I have trauma in my life just like everyone else. It's okay to break down and cry and ask for help...even as a counselor. That's what makes me a healthier counselor and a better guide to those who seek my help. SO thank you JAM and SB for all you've helped me with. I love you.

What a week!!

Oh what a week. Between helping with graduate admissions, anger management group (for the students, not me), interning and soccer games, I am exhausted. I don't know how you do it full-time, but this is enough for me at this moment in my life. I love the flexibility of coming and going as I please. Interning is much better than practicum because I don't have someone looking over my shoulder. Anyway, I digress....I'm tired...on a really good pain reliever...and ready for the weekend. Have a great one!

What total fun

Today I was priveledged enough to help with graduate admissions. There were six applicants this morning. Three of them went in for their interviews and I took the remaining three and gave them a tour of the campus and then did a Q & A for 20 minutes. After the hour was up, the groups switched and I repeated what I had done the first hour. After that, all six applicants came back together and I led a group asking them questions about themselves and how they feel they would fit into the program. When all was said and done and the applicants had left, the three professors who interviewed actually asked my opinion about who I thought was top, bottom and in between. I actually was able to give my input. It was so fun doing this today. I just only wish I could do it the rest of the week. Very fun.!!!

What an honor

Last night my advisor at NNU asked me if I would help with the graduate admissions interviews on Monday. I am responsible for giving the new applicants a tour of the campus, answering questions about the program and conducting a small group experience where I ask the applicants questions to see how they interact as a group. This is such an honor for me. It seems like yesterday that I was the applicant to the program who was going on the tour and being interviewed. I feel privileged to be asked to do this. It's a wonderful to see that all my hard work is paying off. Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive of me and helped watch my kids during these last three years. It's almost at an end.
P.S.: I'm finally official. Yesterday at the high school they presented me with my own name plate for my desk. I feel so.....grown up....a real counselor. It was wonderful!

Ugh

Well, I didn't pass comps...again. The upside....I only missed it by 5 points this time instead of 10...so I improved. The downside... I have to take the darn test again in February. Of the 15 that took it, only seven passed. This test is hard...and in my opinion...useless. Oh well. It's one of those necessary evils...I need it to graduate. Other than that, internship is going well. I will start an anger management group on Thursday. (No, I'm not one of the participates). That's right, I'm the facilitator (big word there). I will be doing this at the Academy once a week for half an hour. The kids seem very interested and sincere in wanting help. Let's see if they change their minds when I actual make them WORK to get their anger under control. It should prove interesting.

We did get a chance to get away this weekend, however. We went to McCall for the four day weekend and had a blast. The fall colors up there are amazing this time of year. We were able to go to Gold Fork Hot Springs by Donnelly. It was a blast although I can't say I'm too crazy about the group changing room. That was interesting. But all this to say, we had a great time, even in our little cabin in the woods that has no insulation upstairs.

The are only human

I spent my internship today getting to know the kids at the Academy (alternative high school). I called each one out separatly and took them for a five minute walk. I told them that I wanted to get to know them as a person and not by what I see on a computer about them. As I got them talking, I asked them about their favorite movies, activities and music. When the kids started to see that I was interested in them as a person, they started sharing things without my prodding. Some kids talked to me more easily than others, but I know with time they will learn to trust me. I really think these kids just want someone to take interest in them. One particular girl's story broke my heart. I still have a handle full to talk with, but it's a good start.

My wonderful hubby

This last weekend I drove to Salem with my best buds JAM and JD. We went to honor JAMs mom, Phyllis. While I was away for three days, my husband bravely took on the role of both parents. I missed my family terribly and yes, expected a mess when I got home. But much to my surprise, I found the opposite. My wonderful hubby not only took care of the kids beautifully, but he also cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, canned salsa and cleaned up the house. My kids helped by vacuuming. I came home to a wonderfully cleaned and put together house. He is truly amazing. Instead of coming home tired and overwhelmed with what needed to be done at home, I just came home tired and filled with joy. I realized how much my family means to me by being away for those few days. I'm very blessed!!

It's Monday

Okay, I survived COMPS this weekend. Hopefully I passed. My brain was literally mush all Saturday evening...just ask JAM. Most bizarre behavior...for me even. This week I start my two afternoons a week at the Vallivue Academy. I'm a bit nervous, but I know things will be okay.

This week will also be a tough one because I am driving with JAM and friends to honor JAM's mom on Saturday. What a wonderful woman she is and was. What an inspiration to all of us fighting our battles, yet prevailing because of our faith in God. This will be a bittersweet time as we come together to grieve, yet remember that P is more alive then she has ever been.

Okay...I think I've got it!!

Okay....I'm ending my third week of school....I think...I might...have it!!! I can breathe, thanks to some VERY wise advice from a VERY wise friend ( you know who you are JAM). I'm getting my feet under me and getting the time management under way. I think I will survive.

The most exciting news of today is that I've now got a second internship site. Instead of being a VHS five afternoons a week, I will be at VHS three afternoons and then at Vallivue's new alternative High School two afternoons a week. The total population is about 28 kids. The new school does not have a counselor, so they are really wanting me there to help. This is both exciting, yet scary. I will be the only counselor there, so I have no one to fall back on if I run into a wall (that could really hurt you know). BUT...this will be an awesome experience and give me a great opportunity to see what I'm really made of as a counselor. SO...here I embark on a new adventure. Oh, by the way...save May 4th on your calendars...that's when I GRADUATE!!!!!!!!1

I....Can't....Breathe.....

Oh my. Can I please have a breath of air??? Can I have some time to be??? Things have been so hectic since school has started. It seems as though I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. A typical day goes something like this:: Get up at 6:00 am., get ready for work, get the kids up at 6:50 and ready for school, eat breakfast (the kids), pick up my nieces for school, drop kids at school at 7:45, go home, frantically get Kaylee ready for school, eat breakfast, run errands, get Kaylee to school by 10:45, then I go to work from 11-2:30, rush home ( I get 10 minutes to change before the kids get home) then do all the frantic things around the house that need to be done ( you know, homework, laundry, cleaning). I just can't seem to get my time management set. I'm so used to being home and getting the things done that need to be done that I am completely wearing myself out trying to survive. I'm sure it will be easier???!!! Ugh.

School Starts Tomorrow.

Today we "Meet the teacher" at the kids' school. My babies are growing up before my eyes. I guess that means I'm getting older too!!! I also start up on my internship tomorrow. Not sure how many hours I'll get in due to school starting and me trying to adjust to an "empty nest". Good thing I have internship to keep me busy. I'm sure the kids will do absolutly fine. Me, on the other hand, I'll just have to keep busy so I don't think about it too much.

School's Almost Here!!

Can it be? Could school be starting in a week? Is my baby girl starting Kindergarten already? Is my big boy a 2nd grader? The realization that my youngest is starting school is slowly starting to hit. I know that the moment we walk down those hallowed halls on Tuesday to meet her teacher, with her big backpack on her back and that grin on her face, it will hit me!! It's so hard to believe it's almost here. Not only will she start her first day of school, but I will start my LAST year of school. I can't believe I will be graduating in nine short months. It seems as though this journey has taken a lifetime, yet I can't believe it's gone so quick. I am excited to start my year of internship and look forward to being involved in the lives of my students.

It's getting ready time!

Alas, it is that time of the year when we start to get ready for school....all of us. The kids start in two weeks and I start in three, but the process starts now. Putting kids to bed earlier so they can get up earlier....getting internship all in order, getting my collaborative project approved, printing proof of insurance so I can counsel students and on and on it goes. I am ready to get back into the swing of a "normal" routine. It should be intersting with BOTH kids in soccer this fall. We shall see.!!

Say What Part 2

God still continues to work in very mysterious ways. If anything I've learned how to wait on the Lord, put my trust in the Lord and realize how much control of my life I'm not giving to the Lord. This whole job thing and internship deal has been (and still is) a lesson on obedience, trust and control (or lack there of). Not getting the job threw me for a loop because I've never been turned down for a job. This was rather humbling and in my inferior wisdom I saw that, yes, God does know better than me what is best for our lives. Then for internship, I thought I might have solid daycare two mornings a week so I could put in two full days and three half days. This would allow me to graduate with 1000 hours so I could also get my license as a counselor, but alas, God once again showed me HE is in CONTROL and not me!! My daycare fell threw and now I will only be interning 5 half days which will leave me with about 860 hours which is just enough to graduate with my school counselor certificate, but no license. I am finding that THIS IS COMPLETELY OKAY even though it was not MY plan or will, it is GOD'S and that is what matters. I feel at peace with everything, not anxious or wanting, but knowing that God will complete the work HE has started and not leave it void. God is good all the time and praise the Lord for that. SO, all this to say that our ways are not HIS ways and God knows what's best even if we try to tell Him it's not. I'm learning to give control to God and let Him lead my life instead of the other way around. Hard lesson to learn.

God know what's best

Okay, after a very anxiety filled week waiting for a job interview and then waiting for that phone call, God has made it very clear to me that He ALWAYS know what's best for me and my family. I was all jung ho about a paid internship because it would be a great opportunity and bring in some money. But on the day that I was to receive that phone call about whether or not I was to get the job, I started doubting if it was the right thing. I told God that if this job was going to make me just a huge mess and all that I didn't want it. In fact, I was going to just tell them no because I wasn't sure I was ready to be a full time working mom. Well, that call came at 10:30 yesterday morning and God heard my plea. I think He knew that I would not have the strength to turn the job down, so He brought someone with more experience than me to take that job. PRAISE THE LORD. On the way home from my hair cut, I broke down because I was so relieved that I didn't have to take the job. I was worried about my daughter and how she would handle me working and putting her in daycare. God told me NO and I am so thankful. Next year I will reapply for that job and others when the timing is much better. I'm so grateful that an AWESOME GOD is in control.

God knows what He's doing

Just when I had given up any hope that I would get a job interview, I get a call from the Principal at Vallivue High School wanting to interview me.
It would be a paid internship position. My interview is Monday at 2:30. I dont' know if I'll get it, but if I do there is a lot of planning to get done. If I get the position, I would need to report to work August 2nd. I would need to figure out daycare for my kids for three weeks until school starts. I know that God will provide, as he always does. I'm just amazed and at times confused at to what God has for us right now. I thought the idea of a paid internship was long gone and had totally given it to God, and look what He does. Amazing!

Say what???

Some have asked what DSM book is out. Well, it is still number 4!!! So, Lisa, we're still in the dark ages at diagnosing. The new one, DSM 5 will be out within the year maybe. Like we need to keep diagnosing people. I'm just happy to see that PMS will be a diagnosis. Also, obesity is supposed to be listed as an eating disorder. Very intersting stuff.

On a different note, it is so nice to be on break from school. I'm still not sure if I got the job for the high school, but that's okay. I don't think I'm ready to be a full time working mom. I still need to be at home with my kids. God knows what is best for us all. I also just realized that I need to start studying for my COMPS test, which I just missed passing by 10 points in the spring. The next test is set for September. I really need to pass this one. For those who aren't familiar with COMPS, a graduate student needs to pass with a 70 or better in order to graduate. No presssure!!!

School Out for Summer

Well, Summer school is over. I don't go back until the end of August. It was nice to register for the fall because I only had to register for internship. That means no papers, no tests and all that jazz. Just internship and perhaps a case presentation, which is no big deal. We do have our collaborative project we need to start in September, but that is well on it's way. I can't believe it's heading into the last semesters of my college master's journey. I look forward to the end. Still no word on the job, but I don't think I'm ready to head out into that unknown world of work yet. I still am needed at home!

Will it be? Or not?

Well, as luck would have it, the school I've been interning at has a school counseling position available for next year. I've decided to apply to see if they would hire an intern for the year. I'm just praying that God will lead the way and show me where to go. If I get the job, awesome...if I don't, that's just awesome too. We shall see!

A sad day in our home

Okay, this is a rabbit trail, but yesterday was a sad day at our home. Our cat of nine years had to be put down yesterday. My husband took her to the vet for a tooth that was looking weird and she ended up being rather ill. When he came home the kids wanted to see the cat and he had to tell them what happened. It was a very emotional day for them. It just broke my heart. My daughter, who is five, had a lot of questions about death and why things and people die. That was hard to help her through. Today seems a bit better.

Half way there

Well, so far it's been interesting in DSM. We have watched many videos to demonstrate the different mental disorders. We watched a movie called "Twitch and Shout" about Tourettes Syndrome. VERY INTERESTING. It's amazing how easily you can find friends who fit the various diagnosis like narcissistic personality disorder, schizo, borderline personality disorder and so on..... Now, you won't find me telling someone if they are any of the above!! This class is just dangerous enough to get me in trouble. Need to be really careful about what I am learning!! Can't believe the semester is almost over!

Another day, another class

We spent last night going through sections of our DSM book which lists all the different diagnosis people can have. I was fortunate enough to have to study and explain Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD. This is one diagnosis I have a problem with (no, I'm not ODD). Some kids find that being defiant and rude gets them what they want, so they continue it and then are labeled ODD when in fact they are just brats. Now, there are some kids who are ODD, but some are just trying to get away with what they can so they get what they want. Okay....I need to stop with this, I'm getting a bit flustered and that's not counselor-like behavior. ....Well, all this to say, that as counselors, we need to be careful when diagnosing anyone, especially children, because that "label" follows them wherever they go.!

Who knew?

Oh my!! Who knew there were SO many things that could be wrong with a person. From ADHD to catatonic disorder to drug induced disorders to psychotic disorders, anxiety, mood, eating, sleep, dissociatve, impulse and so on. It's amazing the things we can find wrong with ourselves. There's even a diagnosis for hypochondria, which I will probably have after learning all these disorders!!! Man oh man!! And the depressing thing is that the American Psychiatric Association is coming out with a new manual for diagnosis that is even thicker than the last one. The current one is 2 inches thick and each year it seems likes they add an inch. At least they will be adding PMS to the new one!!!

I survived!!

Well, I survived my first night of summer school. The professor I have is quite fun. He loves to stir the pot. His favorite saying is "very, very interesting". Fortunately there is hardly any work . The class consists of learning all the different diagnosis and what numbers are assigned to them. For example, if your are suffering from separation anxiety disorder, your number would be 309.21 for diagnosis. If you were schizoaffective disorder, you'd be 295.70, The good news...by the time I'm done with this class, I will not see you as a name, but a NUMBER!!! Of course, I'll make sure to keep those numbers to myself for fear of bodily injure!!!

Summer School Begins

So tonight starts the long journey (or so it seems) of summer school. Twice a week, three hours a night until July 10th UGH!! I am so not thrilled to go, but on the other hand I shouldn't have any papers to do, I don't think. Oh well, at least it will give me a break from killing rabid spiders in the bathroom, wiping behinds and give me a chance to talk to adults. I look forward to that!! So, I'm off soon and will let you know how it goes!

The Journey Begins

Well, I survived 200 of practicum at VHS. It was a blast and I miss it greatly. I am so looking forward to going back in the fall. I would say that what I miss the most is the student interaction. I met so many neat students while there. Most of them will graduate this Friday, so I won't see them next year. There are a few that have asked that I see them again next year, which I am looking forward to. Tomorrow starts Summer school where I will be taking Diagnosis and Treatment. Should be interesting.